


trying to stay sane in this dark time

by EllaYuki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel POV, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Episode: s13e07 War of the Worlds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 16:50:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13171116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaYuki/pseuds/EllaYuki
Summary: in his time in asmodeus’ cells, castiel can do nothing but think.





	trying to stay sane in this dark time

**Author's Note:**

> The lack of capital letters is INTENTIONAL. All fics written by me in 2017 are like that, so if that puts you off, I'm sorry and you are more than welcome to back out now. 
> 
> (AKA: Please STOP MENTIONING IT, it will NOT change. Thank you.)

in the hours and days and weeks he spends locked up in asmodeus’ dungeon, cas can do nothing but think.

it’s not a quiet place, there’s demons coming and going all the time, and lucifer is almost constantly talking, from quiet mutters to himself, to screams at the prince of hell, swearing torturous vengeance, to trying to chat castiel up on occasion.

cas ignores it all and just, thinks.

he thinks of jack, of the son whom he was barely starting to know but already cared for immensely. he wonders where the boy is, what he is doing, if he is well, if he’s managed to control his powers enough for them not to cause any more damage that will break jack’s heart.

he thinks of his siblings in heaven, and how, even if they knew about his predicament, they would never come for him, even as their numbers dwindle.

and he thinks of the winchesters, of of sam and of dean, and what they might be doing. he knows asmodeus uses castiel’s voice to talk to them, to make sure they don’t come looking, but it still hurts, a little bit (a whole lot), that neither of them has realized that it’s not really him they’re talking to. he wonders what asmodeus has told them for his prolonged absence, or if they even asked why he’s keeping away for all that he’s supposedly taking their calls.

he thinks of dean. he thinks of dean and how he’d looked at him when they’d come to pick him up after his resurrection, the way dean had hugged him a little harder than usual, the way his longing before castiel had called had been like the crashing waves of a tsunami.

(cas has wondered what could make dean feel like drowning, like there was no more light in the world. he got his answer when the longing had receded to its usual levels the moment dean stepped out of the impala that night and had wrapped himself around cas.)

(he got another confirmation when that same longing spiked again after castiel had left to search for jack. and castiel knows that there is an answering one ringing like church bells from the center of his very being.)

he thinks of dean and the day he will realize what has happened to cas (and he will, cas knows he will, asmodeus will slip because he doesn’t know cas-and-dean as well as he likes to think he does), and come storming in, looking for him.

he thinks of that day and dreads it somewhat, for all that it’s all that’s keeping him sane on some days.

because there’s not much of a chance for him and sam to defeat asmodeus. not by themselves, not without the colt, not without the first blade, not without… well, the point is that they can’t. and for all that they’ve survived so much, cas isn’t sure they will this time as well.

still, there is not much he can do for the time being, except wait, and think, and hope.

and stay alive.


End file.
